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Life little moments of destruction (funny jokes)

Life little moments of destruction (funny jokes)

- The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.

- Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

- Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

- Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

- Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.

- I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

- Don't be so humble - you are not that great. -- Golda Meir

- Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

- When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

- Work is the curse of the drinking class.

- I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.

- There's nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.

- Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

- It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.

- He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

- I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

- I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.

- Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.

- I worship the ground that awaits you.

- I wish you were a beer.

- Love means telling you why you're sorry.

- Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

- I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

- Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?

- The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

- You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.

- The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. -- General George Patton

- Nuke the whales

- We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.

- I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't make any difference.

- When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. -- Mae West

- It's not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are such fools.

- I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat! -- Will Rogers

- I'm not cynical. Just experienced.

- I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

- I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.

- It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.